Modern technology in LotR
Apr. 9th, 2003 05:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mollyringleA silly LOTR post...because it's been way, way too long.
Sometimes you encounter crossover or alternate-universe fanfics in which the Internet or TV or some other modern innovation (e.g., hair dryers, usually in conjunction with Pretty Elves) exists in Middle-Earth. So here's my flippant off-the-cuff list of...
Top Ten Advantages of Introducing Modern Technology to L.O.T.R.
Warning: possible spoilers.
10. Shampoo, electric razors, deodorant. Enough said. (Excepting Legolas, who doesn't appear to need these.)
9. Text message from Gandalf to Frodo: "It's OK, I'm alive. U guys in Mordor yet?"
8. Voice of Saruman could probably be shouted down with bullhorn.
7. Mithril vest for one member of Fellowship: good. Kevlar vests for all nine members of Fellowship: better.
6. Shock collar on Gollum would ensure he couldn't go sneaking ahead.
5. Cell phone call from Theoden to Eomer: "Yeah, we need you to turn around and come meet us at Helm's Deep. Right now. Oh, and bring the tank."
4. Anti-aircraft artillery very effective against flying Nazgul.
3. Shelob's Lair much easier to navigate with night-vision goggles.
2. Swords and Light of Earendil: good. Giant can of Raid sprayed directly into spider's eyes: better.
1. Attach Ring to atomic bomb. Have Gwaihir-the-eagle drop it on Mount Doom. Problem solved.
Feel free to suggest others. Granted, there would be serious disadvantages too - imagine if Sauron and Saruman got hold of heat-seeking missiles or whatnot. But this is just for fun, so let's not get too heavy.
And please note: I AM NOT BEING SERIOUS AND I DO REALIZE IT WOULD RUIN THE ENTIRE PLOT TO INTRODUCE MODERN INNOVATIONS.
Sorry about that. Sometimes people are humor-impaired and I need to put the Sarcasm Alert Sticker two inches in front of their eyes before they get it.
Sometimes you encounter crossover or alternate-universe fanfics in which the Internet or TV or some other modern innovation (e.g., hair dryers, usually in conjunction with Pretty Elves) exists in Middle-Earth. So here's my flippant off-the-cuff list of...
Top Ten Advantages of Introducing Modern Technology to L.O.T.R.
Warning: possible spoilers.
10. Shampoo, electric razors, deodorant. Enough said. (Excepting Legolas, who doesn't appear to need these.)
9. Text message from Gandalf to Frodo: "It's OK, I'm alive. U guys in Mordor yet?"
8. Voice of Saruman could probably be shouted down with bullhorn.
7. Mithril vest for one member of Fellowship: good. Kevlar vests for all nine members of Fellowship: better.
6. Shock collar on Gollum would ensure he couldn't go sneaking ahead.
5. Cell phone call from Theoden to Eomer: "Yeah, we need you to turn around and come meet us at Helm's Deep. Right now. Oh, and bring the tank."
4. Anti-aircraft artillery very effective against flying Nazgul.
3. Shelob's Lair much easier to navigate with night-vision goggles.
2. Swords and Light of Earendil: good. Giant can of Raid sprayed directly into spider's eyes: better.
1. Attach Ring to atomic bomb. Have Gwaihir-the-eagle drop it on Mount Doom. Problem solved.
Feel free to suggest others. Granted, there would be serious disadvantages too - imagine if Sauron and Saruman got hold of heat-seeking missiles or whatnot. But this is just for fun, so let's not get too heavy.
And please note: I AM NOT BEING SERIOUS AND I DO REALIZE IT WOULD RUIN THE ENTIRE PLOT TO INTRODUCE MODERN INNOVATIONS.
Sorry about that. Sometimes people are humor-impaired and I need to put the Sarcasm Alert Sticker two inches in front of their eyes before they get it.
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Funny girl
Date: 2003-04-10 09:26 am (UTC)Too funny.
I just got done reading The Two Towers for the first time and I'm now halfway through Return of The King. (I'm a late bloomer...28 and never read Tolkien. *gasp!*) Glad I got through most of anything that would be a spoiler in that post...heheh...because I couldn't not read it. ;D
Re: Funny girl
Date: 2003-04-10 09:27 am (UTC)Re: Funny girl
Date: 2003-04-10 03:55 pm (UTC)And, yeah, shouldn't be any spoilers if you've made it through part of ROTK. I didn't read 'em till last year myself (age 26-27). :)