Bad similes, analogies, and metaphors
Jan. 29th, 2003 06:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mollyringleFrom a clipping of the Oregonian, sent to me by my parents. Original authors uncredited. Possibly that's for the best. Still, I think these are hilarious and I tip my hat to them...assuming they meant to be funny, that is...
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His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
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Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
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Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
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He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
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Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
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He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
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The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
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Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
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He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
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Hee. OK, now I go back to the amazingly huge stack of essays and tests I'm supposed to grade. Nice talking to you.
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His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
---
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
---
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
---
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
---
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
---
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
---
The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
---
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
---
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
---
Hee. OK, now I go back to the amazingly huge stack of essays and tests I'm supposed to grade. Nice talking to you.
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no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 07:39 am (UTC)My favorite from this week (made up congressional bills): Bishop-Rogers-King act to introduce more outre ways to mate in chess.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 09:19 am (UTC)Yeah, the clipping said most of them are from the Washington Post competition, though they did sound Bulwer-Lytton-ish to me too.