Bad similes, analogies, and metaphors
Jan. 29th, 2003 06:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mollyringleFrom a clipping of the Oregonian, sent to me by my parents. Original authors uncredited. Possibly that's for the best. Still, I think these are hilarious and I tip my hat to them...assuming they meant to be funny, that is...
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His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
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Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
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Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
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He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
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Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
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He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
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The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
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Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
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He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
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Hee. OK, now I go back to the amazingly huge stack of essays and tests I'm supposed to grade. Nice talking to you.
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His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
---
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
---
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
---
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
---
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
---
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
---
The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
---
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
---
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
---
Hee. OK, now I go back to the amazingly huge stack of essays and tests I'm supposed to grade. Nice talking to you.
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no subject
Date: 2003-01-29 09:05 pm (UTC)"second tall man".. amusing, lol.
Your fingers staple pine nuts into everything you touch.
Date: 2003-01-29 09:13 pm (UTC)how can I help but use your eyes as a means for self-asphyxiation?
http://www.madsci.org/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/~lynn/jardin/SCG
:D
-nairbie
no subject
Date: 2003-01-29 10:37 pm (UTC)The one I remember from the list, that's not in your entry read:
"The swan floated across the pond, just like a bowling ball wouldn't."
no subject
Date: 2003-01-29 10:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 12:09 am (UTC)Except, of course, that Mr. Adams knew what he was doing...
~j
no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 12:19 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-01-30 12:39 am (UTC)I'm sure there are other examples, but that one does tend to stick with you.
~j
no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 04:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 06:24 am (UTC)That sounds almost Jossian. I can hear 1st or 2nd season Willow and Xander delivering that bit. Willow reads "Shots rang out!" Xander adds "As shots are wont to do."
"Second Tall Man" indeed.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 07:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 07:39 am (UTC)My favorite from this week (made up congressional bills): Bishop-Rogers-King act to introduce more outre ways to mate in chess.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 09:19 am (UTC)Yeah, the clipping said most of them are from the Washington Post competition, though they did sound Bulwer-Lytton-ish to me too.
this anonymous user thing is the pits.
Date: 2003-01-30 11:51 am (UTC)-nairb
Re: this anonymous user thing is the pits.
Date: 2003-01-30 12:05 pm (UTC)Swarms of chocolate poodles lavish your swollen gums.
My heart skips beats like vomiting polar bears dancing through mosquito netting.
If panties could talk yours would have a nasty throat infection due to poor circulation and dust mites...
My appologies to Molly for running amok on her thread.
Re: this anonymous user thing is the pits.
Date: 2003-01-30 12:56 pm (UTC)Re: this anonymous user thing is the pits.
Date: 2003-01-30 12:57 pm (UTC)that was supposed to be
Re: this anonymous user thing is the pits.
Date: 2003-01-30 12:58 pm (UTC)i guess polar bear nutsack generators aren't appropriate terms for an LJ.
run riot!
def leppard!
rawk!
\m/
no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 12:59 pm (UTC)small f'ing world. :)
*hug*
no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 02:25 pm (UTC);)
no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 03:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 03:04 pm (UTC)Glad to start regrouping the old crew. Now someone has to get nairbie a code...(I'm one of those freeloader users and don't have any more).
Re:
Date: 2003-01-30 04:09 pm (UTC):D
no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 07:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 09:08 pm (UTC)oh, and my website is noyen.org or noyen.com or stereodee.com (for the next month or so). there's really not much there. but yeah. woo! i love you guys.
and i express the same sentiments willeh did, sorry for being a hijacker. :D
-nairb.
Re:
Date: 2003-01-30 11:09 pm (UTC)Haha
Date: 2003-01-31 08:49 am (UTC)~XH
Re: Haha
Date: 2003-02-01 03:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-02-05 12:05 pm (UTC)my teacher had a list of bad similies/metaphors what his students had used (seriously) in essays. can only remember "he was cold, like a dead, buried polar bear".
no subject
Date: 2003-02-07 11:52 am (UTC)