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mollyringle(Something I wrote several years ago and just found. Hm.)
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM WATCHING '80'S MOVIES
Sorority girls, when at home, prefer to walk around in nothing but negligees or underwear.
People who major in computer science are always social rejects with severe fashion disabilities.
With a few well-placed keystrokes, a knowledgeable person can create stunning computer graphics and animation, and can sometimes inadvertently declare war on Russia.
If your parents leave town for a weekend or more, a chain of events will be set into motion which will end in your house being TP'd, your father's sports car being wrecked, and all your furniture being stolen.
In fact, no matter where you go on any given weekend, there will always be a very expensive car nearby which you will almost certainly demolish.
Rich kids in high school are mean-spirited snobs who wear Gucci and drive Porsches. They will remain mean-spirited and narrow-minded until befriended by a poor, attractive fellow student who will show them what life is really all about.
If you are very, very lucky, someone will provide a fluffy pink dress with starched shoulders for you to wear to senior prom.
Cheerleaders and football players are cruel and/or stupid. You'd do better to be friends with the stoners, who have a wisdom beyond their years.
Nearly all high school students have cars. Poorer students have uglier cars. A very, very poor student might just have a bicycle. And only absolute geeks who wear headgear and Coke-bottle glasses resort to riding the school bus. The worst situation imaginable would be for your parents to give you a ride.
There has never been a normal, well-adjusted foreign exchange student in anyone's recollection.
Smart college freshmen who are good with lasers often get mixed up in top-secret matters of intercontinental defense systems, and, without fail, save the city and possibly the country.
All the really cool 16-year-olds know how to mix cocktails, select cigars, and negotiate prices with prostitutes.
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM WATCHING '80'S MOVIES
Sorority girls, when at home, prefer to walk around in nothing but negligees or underwear.
People who major in computer science are always social rejects with severe fashion disabilities.
With a few well-placed keystrokes, a knowledgeable person can create stunning computer graphics and animation, and can sometimes inadvertently declare war on Russia.
If your parents leave town for a weekend or more, a chain of events will be set into motion which will end in your house being TP'd, your father's sports car being wrecked, and all your furniture being stolen.
In fact, no matter where you go on any given weekend, there will always be a very expensive car nearby which you will almost certainly demolish.
Rich kids in high school are mean-spirited snobs who wear Gucci and drive Porsches. They will remain mean-spirited and narrow-minded until befriended by a poor, attractive fellow student who will show them what life is really all about.
If you are very, very lucky, someone will provide a fluffy pink dress with starched shoulders for you to wear to senior prom.
Cheerleaders and football players are cruel and/or stupid. You'd do better to be friends with the stoners, who have a wisdom beyond their years.
Nearly all high school students have cars. Poorer students have uglier cars. A very, very poor student might just have a bicycle. And only absolute geeks who wear headgear and Coke-bottle glasses resort to riding the school bus. The worst situation imaginable would be for your parents to give you a ride.
There has never been a normal, well-adjusted foreign exchange student in anyone's recollection.
Smart college freshmen who are good with lasers often get mixed up in top-secret matters of intercontinental defense systems, and, without fail, save the city and possibly the country.
All the really cool 16-year-olds know how to mix cocktails, select cigars, and negotiate prices with prostitutes.
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no subject
Date: 2004-05-23 12:50 am (UTC)The dearest ambition of all working-class white boys and girls is to DANCE. (Self-sustaining employment is secondary.)
If you're being chased by a homicidal maniac, it is essential that you fall and twist an ankle and/or rip your blouse open.
The homicidal maniac will of course return to life after being stabbed, shot, burned, poisoned, and beheaded. Therefore, whenever you think the maniac is dead, you MUST turn your back on him.
All teenagers have the sexual prowess and technique of Heidi Fleiss, even the virgins.
Demi Moore will cry. A lot.
:D
no subject
Date: 2004-05-25 08:41 pm (UTC)Demi Moore probably does cry in every single movie she's in, huh? So does Drew Barrymore, I think.
And Bruce Willis bleeds from the head in all of his movies. :)
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Date: 2004-05-23 03:11 am (UTC)All schools are large, clean and new looking with all the very very best facilities in every department.
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Date: 2004-05-25 08:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-23 03:17 pm (UTC)"I'll shove your dump in the dirt" instead of "I'll shove your d**k in the dirt". How such an edit is any less profane than the original is beyond our collective imaginations. :)
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Date: 2004-05-25 08:42 pm (UTC)Good gracious. "When Euphemisms Backfire...next on Fox!"
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Date: 2004-05-24 12:53 pm (UTC)This isn't true???
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Date: 2004-05-25 08:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 08:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-31 10:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-03 08:45 pm (UTC)