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mollyringleHere's your laugh for the day: I dug up a bunch of quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000. If you've never seen it or heard of it, all you need to know is that it consists of a few lovably geeky characters watching and heckling genuine bad movies from earlier decades. Knowing what movie they're watching really isn't necessary in order to appreciate these. But I recommend using some of them for future film reviews.
* * *
Tom Servo: Special agents are called in to slow the film down and grind it to a screeching halt.
Crow: No one will be admitted during the breathtaking car-parking sequence!
Mighty Joe #1: "Fire laser gun!"
Mighty Joe #2: "Fire second battery!"
Crow: "Fire screenwriter!"
The captain has turned off the `No Dubbing' sign. You are free to speak any language you choose.
Narrator: "There is one terrifying word in the world of nuclear physics."
Tom Servo: "Oops."
No spiders were squished, stepped on, flushed, or made to suffer any emotional distress during the making of this film. One spider did die of old age; we have two letters from doctors confirming this.
Well, one good thing about the apocalypse... plenty of parking.
Help! I’ve plummeted to my death and I can’t get up!
Why does he have to kill them to prove his point? Can't he just show them a *pie chart* or something?
'Chapter Two: Molten Terror'! Ooo, isn't terror bad enough without being molten?
Always get a contract when dealing with a dark, omnipotent power.
I think they forgot to have stuff happen in this movie.
You know, wild horses couldn’t drag this plot any further.
It seems as though my doom is imminent. So—how are you?
Narrator: “Here in Texas, there is an additional problem…”
Crow: “…Texans!”
Well, I think the point they've established so far is that they're going into space. I think that's probably established. Maybe we'll need another TEN MINUTES or so to make it clear.
Remember last week, when he was alive? Well, that didn’t last…
So this guy comes in, stops the plot cold, then leaves?
Do you want to make people’s heads explode? Sure—we all do!
That’s 40 pounds of butt in 30-pound-butt-capacity pants!
We’ve broken through the space-time continuum and passed the savings on to YOU!
It’s like they weren’t even sure they were filming a chase scene.
We don’t want you to pray FOR us; we want you to pray TO us.
Could you please state that in the form of a desperate cry to God to save you from an unholy death?
What about the plot, Joel? Am I the only one who cares?
Do not be afraid; I do not hurt innocent people. I have assistants for that.
* * *
Tom Servo: Special agents are called in to slow the film down and grind it to a screeching halt.
Crow: No one will be admitted during the breathtaking car-parking sequence!
Mighty Joe #1: "Fire laser gun!"
Mighty Joe #2: "Fire second battery!"
Crow: "Fire screenwriter!"
The captain has turned off the `No Dubbing' sign. You are free to speak any language you choose.
Narrator: "There is one terrifying word in the world of nuclear physics."
Tom Servo: "Oops."
No spiders were squished, stepped on, flushed, or made to suffer any emotional distress during the making of this film. One spider did die of old age; we have two letters from doctors confirming this.
Well, one good thing about the apocalypse... plenty of parking.
Help! I’ve plummeted to my death and I can’t get up!
Why does he have to kill them to prove his point? Can't he just show them a *pie chart* or something?
'Chapter Two: Molten Terror'! Ooo, isn't terror bad enough without being molten?
Always get a contract when dealing with a dark, omnipotent power.
I think they forgot to have stuff happen in this movie.
You know, wild horses couldn’t drag this plot any further.
It seems as though my doom is imminent. So—how are you?
Narrator: “Here in Texas, there is an additional problem…”
Crow: “…Texans!”
Well, I think the point they've established so far is that they're going into space. I think that's probably established. Maybe we'll need another TEN MINUTES or so to make it clear.
Remember last week, when he was alive? Well, that didn’t last…
So this guy comes in, stops the plot cold, then leaves?
Do you want to make people’s heads explode? Sure—we all do!
That’s 40 pounds of butt in 30-pound-butt-capacity pants!
We’ve broken through the space-time continuum and passed the savings on to YOU!
It’s like they weren’t even sure they were filming a chase scene.
We don’t want you to pray FOR us; we want you to pray TO us.
Could you please state that in the form of a desperate cry to God to save you from an unholy death?
What about the plot, Joel? Am I the only one who cares?
Do not be afraid; I do not hurt innocent people. I have assistants for that.
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no subject
Date: 2003-06-02 06:44 pm (UTC)I really need to find the old episodes.
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Date: 2003-06-02 06:53 pm (UTC)Tom Servo" COURSE?!? Why don't you try plotting this MOVIE!??!?!
~Squee
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Date: 2003-06-03 10:31 am (UTC)My favorite of all time....
Date: 2003-06-02 07:17 pm (UTC)Re: My favorite of all time....
Date: 2003-06-02 07:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-03 10:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-03 02:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-02 07:20 pm (UTC)Long ago when I was a geek (Wait, I still am a geek!), I had season 4 and 5 recorded to VHS. Unfortunately that was when I was staying with my dad in L.A. nearly ten years ago. Consequently, I don't have my MST3K tapes anymore.
Bummer.
But for the hardcore... They are being released on DVD. Yay!
Lyd
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Date: 2003-06-02 08:28 pm (UTC)I'm THERE, BABY!
*dashes off to throw a party*
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Date: 2003-06-03 01:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-02 07:25 pm (UTC)*pauses, grins, waits for it.....*
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Date: 2003-06-03 02:00 pm (UTC):D
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Date: 2003-06-02 07:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-02 07:48 pm (UTC)Chance: Stefanik! It's me, Chance!
Mike, in thick Russian accent: I know!
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Date: 2003-06-03 02:01 pm (UTC)That one sounds familiar. I'm pretty sure I saw it. Wish I still got a channel it was shown on. *sigh*
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Date: 2003-06-02 08:16 pm (UTC)LoL!
Date: 2003-06-02 08:27 pm (UTC)"Now he takes out a personal ad: 'Saw you in Museum, you took bone, I chased you.'"
My favorite of the ones you posted, though, had to be: "I think they forgot to have stuff happen in this movie."
*cheers* MST3K!! WOOT!
Re: LoL!
Date: 2003-06-03 02:03 pm (UTC)I think I'm fondest of "Remember last week, when he was alive? Well, that didn't last..."
Or another that I just remembered, which isn't on the list: from some time-travel Revolutionary-War movie, when someone is running out onto a battlefield and yelling to cause a distraction:
One of the robots: "Ah, the young nation's first spaz attack."
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Date: 2003-06-02 09:32 pm (UTC)Crow: “…Texans!”
Yay! I love this one! This is the best!
Nope... no bad experiences with Texans here... not me... not that Oregonians are way better any day....
(frantic apologies to any Texans who may see this... I know there are lovely people in Texas!)
I love MST3K... did you ever see the one where it was the weird German version of Hamlet where they chopped up the story and moved it around and deleted certain parts entirely? Yeah, that was fun.
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Date: 2003-06-03 02:04 pm (UTC)Don't think I saw the Hamlet one. Damn, they really better release these on DVD...
heh
Date: 2003-06-02 10:18 pm (UTC)Re: heh
Date: 2003-06-03 02:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-03 12:09 am (UTC)"Uhh...should we be watching this?"
*rushes off to rent movies*
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Date: 2003-06-03 02:07 pm (UTC)I think I saw that one. It does strike me as familiar. Ah, they're the greatest.
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Date: 2003-06-03 06:43 am (UTC)You know it's funny when just being reminded of it sends you into hysterics. Lemon, sometimes I think you were bred by those Tleilaxu gene-masters from "Dune" to naturally know about all the funniest sh*t.
I think they forgot to have stuff happen in this movie. -- definitely the best. And what about all the times the 'bots just start humming the soundtrack??
DUM-dum dah-DUM-DUM ... DUM-dum dah-DUM-DUM ...
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Date: 2003-06-03 02:09 pm (UTC)Looks like quite a lot of us know MST3K - more than I expected, anyway. That was one of the few shows that could leave me laughing so helplessly I couldn't speak. Not sure how they do it, but it was brilliant.
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Date: 2003-06-03 10:45 am (UTC)That show was the greatest! Where did it go?
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Date: 2003-06-03 02:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-03 02:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-04 04:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-05 10:28 am (UTC)That also happened to be Mike's first episode after replacing Joel, who escaped from the Satellite of Love after viewing Mitchell (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00005S8L5/102-5269477-0950505?vi=glance). I don't blame him ;)
My favorite was Hercules and the Captive Women (not yet available on DVD):
"The lepers are revolting!"
"Boy, I'll say."
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Date: 2003-06-03 02:35 pm (UTC)I loved your lines!