On sex changes, heat, and random things

[mollyringle]

Sex changes: I know the preferred term is "gender reassignment," but that's got way too many syllables. Who has the time? In any event: do you know a transsexual? 'Cause I do. In fact, I kind of dated one. Well, he wasn't a transsexual at the time, just a remarkably pretty boy with an evasive quality about him. Alex was his name, not his real name actually, but that's what he went by in high school. We went to winter formal together once, and I had this huge romantic crush on him, and every couple of years we'd see each other again and have enchanting but sort of strange conversations.

He was a lovely kisser - still is, I imagine - and was one of the few boys I've ever known whose hair was as thick as mine (but his was a luscious dark brown-black). He claimed, a couple years after high school, that I was the first girl he'd ever loved, not that he ever indicated this back when it might have been good to know. Ah, well. Anyhow, since he was always so shy or somehow distant, there was never anything more than an occasional kiss and a lot of flattering comments between us.

Then a couple years ago I heard the most interesting thing from my little sister, who had run into our Alex: he wanted to be a she. This boy thing was not working out for him. Oh, but don't worry - he really did love me - because, see, he wanted to become a girl so that he could be a lesbian. (See P.S. below.)

All right, yeah, that was hard to wrap my mind around. I wasn't angry or disturbed or anything; in fact, I had to admit it was rather entertaining and I was curious what he'd look like in women's clothes. But we lived in different cities by then, and I figured maybe it was just a passing phase, and anyway it was none of my business. Fast forward to roughly last week: by a chance link encounter, I found his - no, her - website and journal. She's going through with this. Her name lately is Astrid. She had voice samples on the site, old (boy voice) and new (girl voice), and I listened to both.

The boy voice was Alex as I remembered: lovely, genteel, but decidedly male. The girl voice: OK, I was expecting something like Priscilla-Queen-of-the-Desert voices, men doing their female impression. But, no: to my surprise, it sounds completely, normally female. I'm astounded and impressed. I wouldn't have recognized her if she called. In fact, I might have mistaken her for one of my roommates from college. Well, we exchanged a few emails, and she's just as charming as I remember, so I'm hoping to pay her a visit next time I'm back in my hometown. It will be a lot easier, actually, just having Alex/Astrid as a girl-friend than always walking that edgy flirtation line like we used to do.

Because, no matter how I try, I am not into girls that way. It doesn't bother me, it's just that I cannot get boys off the brain. *shrug* (And anyway, I'm married.) Luckily, she's claiming she's bisexual now, so we can sit in a coffeeshop and check out the college boys together. Hee. This actually sounds like great fun.



Heat: it's been hot in the Sacramento Valley for, what, a week now? And I hate it already. I want the rain back. My tolerance for this area is actually getting weaker the longer I live here.

Random things: Your LOTR-related link of the day: Frodo's journey as allegory of submitting a thesis. Too perfect for my current situation. Giggling at images of Aragorn as a wandering postdoc and Elrond as the head of the department.

P.S. The sex-change-to-become-a-lesbian thing actually isn't undocumented. There's a novel about it, in fact: Trans-Sister Radio by Chris Bohjalian. Quite interesting.

Comments

[celticmommy.livejournal.com]

Your post just struck me as incredibly cool. Astrid has a good friend in you. :)

Re: Frodo's PHD

[jenk]

Have you read Piled Higher & Deeper?

[trilliah.livejournal.com]

That's interesting; you'd think one would want to avoid all the discrimination (or at least odd looks) one gets when one is homo- or bisexual. It makes a little bit of sense, though; I'm bi, but I feel like I should have been a guy (it's a personality thing; I'm not into being 'girly' most of the time) so if I had a sex-change then fell for a guy I'd be in the same boat.

*grins* You're not the first open-minded conservative I've met, so I'm afraid the confusion bit is much less than it would have been had I known you before I met her. :)

[cenire.livejournal.com]

What a story! But you are indeed open-minded, and Astrid should consider herself lucky to have a friend like you. :)

"Because, no matter how I try, I am not into girls that way. It doesn't bother me, it's just that I cannot get boys off the brain."

Actually, I know what you mean. Many of my gay friends started out in denial, and some of them still say they wish they were "normal" and straight. As for me, I'd like to experiment with both genders... why limit yourself to just one? And while I may call myself bisexual, and I am interested in female-female relationships, I can't really see *myself* in one. Maybe that's the real problem.

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Thank you - I strive to be "incredibly cool." :)

S/he was always a charming person, so, as I told her, "I still want to see you again as long as you're *you*." The personality is all that matters, for the most part. If someone were annoying as a male, they'd probably be annoying as a female too.

Re: Frodo's PHD

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah....once in a while. Someone else forwarded me there, one time. Even though I'm an M.A. student, not a Ph.D., it's good to know the plight of the grad student is being recorded.
:)

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Hey, you want I should set you up with Astrid? *grin* (Just kidding. There's a bit of an age difference between you, anyhow...) I was thinking a bisexual woman would be the best match for her. Such a person wouldn't mind any vestiges of masculinity she might still have.

I'd love to try out a guy's body for a day or two (think how much better a writer I'd be after that experience!), but generally I like being female - even if I'm not typically girly in some ways. Androgyny is not only cool but shows a well-balanced psyche. :)

Hurrah for pervy conservatives! I mainly call myself a conservative for economic and national-defense type of reasons (and *some* moral standards as well), but tend not to match up with some of the other stereotypical stances. In the LOTR fandom, there are plenty of conservatives...but finding ones who like LOTR slash is a little harder. We're a small bunch of outcasts...*sigh*

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Thanks. ;) I should thank Astrid for providing such an interesting conversation piece for my ordinarily humdrum little life, as well.

Yeah, I think I could get interested in a woman if there were no men around. (Prison? A sorority lock-in? The magical island of only females?) But, I just know, the first remotely cute guy to walk in would turn my head. Whether that's genetic wiring or social conditioning, I'm not sure - perhaps it's both - but if it's basically impossible to change, does it matter which one it is?...

[sopdetly.livejournal.com]

I just read Trans-Sister Radio a few months back! What a very, very interesting story. It actually helped me to better understand an online friend who, when we first met, was named Linda, and is now Steve (not the real names, but you get the idea). Steve had informed our email group that he was no longer Linda just a month or so before a large gathering we'd planned. It weirded me (and my parents) out more than a little bit, but now I think I may understand him more, even if I can't sympathize.

Steve, by the way, is also gay now; he married George back when he was still Linda, and also adopted two children then. I have no doubt that those children are lucky to have Steve as a dad, though. It's all quite interesting.

Chris Bohjalian always picks the most fascinating subjects to write about, don't you think? :)

[sopdetly.livejournal.com]

And yes. I don't mean to gloat or be holier-than-thou, but this open-minded diversity-appreciating rave did come from a conservative Republican chickie. I feel your confusion. I enjoy it.

I missed that the first time, LOL, but amen! Ain't it great when we conservatives can be open-minded and all that jazz? Time to change the para-dig-um! ;)

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Wow, a female-to-male? That's even more unusual. AND a married mom to boot. I imagine it's hardest for George to accept, and perhaps the kids - much easier for those of us who are just friends. I mean, if all I have to worry about is what people will think when they see me talking to this person in public - well, I don't care about *that*.

This is the first of Bohjalian's books I've read, but he seems quite a good writer. My mom and sister recommend others he's written, especially 'Midwives', since that's a subject dear to their hearts. May have to look into it.

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Heehee. Step away from the box!
It's good to think for ourselves...I mean, that's what Rush Limbaugh tells us to do, so naturally we do it. ;)

Gay? Bi-Curious? Don't think so...

[caitirdamisa.livejournal.com]

I am dying in this heat, too! It's so annoying to be stricken with an unbecoming perspiration mustache all summer! Ha Ha
I think you're right about genetic pre-wiring. Something about guys with their long lean legs and ...Oh, ahem, nevermind.
I've always been very open minded to gay and transsexuals. Must've been growing up in San Francisco and asking mommy why two daddy's were kissing on the corner of Market and Castro.
It didn't seem to bother anyone that I had a lesbian bridesmaid, or feel 100% more comfortable going to a gay bar than straight. But the female form doesn't excite me sexually.
We've all had those dreams, right? The ones where you wake up wondering if your'e gay because you just dreamt that you were kissing a girl? No? Okay, maybe that's just me.
But it has often made me wonder...and then, NAH, I like the male form too much.

Re: Gay? Bi-Curious? Don't think so...

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Gay bars generally have much better music. That right there is a good enough reason to frequent them.

Yeah, I've had the kissing-girls dreams, but they're rare and I usually don't enjoy them. Even in the dream, I know it's weird. (Probably the best one I ended up with was Reese Witherspoon...I mean, hey, at least she's pretty. Heh.) They're nowhere near as good as the male-celebrity dreams. Now those I can enjoy. In fact, they're often disappointing to wake up from. ("Damn! Knew that was too good to be true...") ;)

[cenire.livejournal.com]

"Whether that's genetic wiring or social conditioning, I'm not sure - perhaps it's both - but if it's basically impossible to change, does it matter which one it is?..."

True. The classic nature versus nurture debate! I think they both impact sexual preference, and I know there's certainly been genetic evidence, but I don't know to what extent each plays a role. But I do believe that some people just *are* attracted to a certain gender, regardless of social upbringing. They can try to deny it or get rid of the impulses -- some people enter heterosexual marriages -- but in that case, it's definitely genetic wiring.

Another outcast..

[i-kat-i.livejournal.com]

...which is why I often visit here lol - Thoroughly enjoy the general comments and discussions. Even though relatively conservative, I don't think one should lose one's sense of humour along the way. The only way to stay sane! My philosophy in life is that one should never take oneself or life too seriously.

I found that the only people, other than you folks online, enjoying the parodies and slash as much as I do, are my gay friends at work.

Re: Another outcast..

[trilliah.livejournal.com]

*sighs* Living where I live, you don't find many people who will come out. Most of my friends have no idea about me. In fact--only two do, plus my brother. And my dad. That's IT. Apart from people online, that is.

Hard to live in an area where your friends (on a regular basis, mind) say things like, "It's those damn gays...wish we could get rid of them" (or, for some of the more violent types) "Shoot 'em all."

Great place to be, the good 'ol midwest. -_-

Re: Gay? Bi-Curious? Don't think so...

[trilliah.livejournal.com]

*frowns* I don't have kissing-girls dreams, but I've dreamed I WAS a guy. And it always feels perfectly natural to me.

*sighs* I'm not bi. I'm a straight guy born into the wrong body.

My thoughts...

[impetuousnote.livejournal.com]

It's so interesting that this subject came up. My best friend and I were just talking the other day about females being attracted to other females. We're always saying that if it wasn't for the fact that we liked guys way too much we'd definitely go out with each other. I mean we connect on a level that no man can attain no matter how hard he tries. But yeah then we both see a hottie walk by and it reminds us that yes....guys are just too much fun to pass up!

Isn't it weird though that there is a double standard? Cosmo had a thing about this saying it was perfectly normal for girls to crush on other girls. But do you see GQ writing articles about how cute it is when guys crush on other guys? Hmmmm...or did I just miss that one?

Re: Another outcast..

[i-kat-i.livejournal.com]

I understand what you mean. My brother is gay and dare not tell anyone, esp in our family. I come from a very traditional Afrikaans home (in the USA you would call them rednecks) so you can imagine how difficult it is to deal with these issues.

I think the fact that I had such a narrow-minded upbringing is what made me so determined to be openminded about life (even if conservative in general). My best friend is gay and I love him to absolute bits :) We just understand each other on a level that noone else can (not even my hubby) and it's special.

I read a book called To Kill a Mockingbird recently and the girl described things in a way that I so love - she says you should try to climb into the skin of the other person to try to understand who they are and how they see life. I think that is so true ...it is so easy to judge from a distance if you have never tried to imagine yourself in someone else's shoes.

Re: Gay? Bi-Curious? Don't think so...

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

But if you were an entirely straight guy, why would you like those male-hobbit-slash fics? ;)

Actually, I've heard of lesbians writing or enjoying male-on-male slash, but I still can't quite wrap my mind around that, either... *shrug* Perhaps aesthetic tastes transcend such things.

Re: My thoughts...

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

*snickers at the GQ idea*
You're quite right; that's not something you often hear in the guys' magazines.

Still, I think we'll see a shift in the next several decades toward homosexuality/bisexuality being less of a big deal or a taboo among conservatives. (Obviously it's already less of a taboo among most liberals.) Granted, it's always going to be less common than heterosexuality - sort of self-defeating from Nature's point of view otherwise - but that doesn't mean it has to freak anyone out.

I mean, hey, Dick Cheney's daughter is a lesbian, and her folks still love her. :) (Newt Gingrich's daughter, too, I think..)

Re: Gay? Bi-Curious? Don't think so...

[trilliah.livejournal.com]

Hmmm...that's true. Maybe it's the remnant of female in me that makes me like the male/male slash. Or maybe if I WAS a guy, I'd be gay, but I'd want to be the guy factor of the relationship.

LoL Or maybe I was meant to be a bisexual man...?

Confusing, is the gender issue. -_-

[dirae.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think I could get interested in a woman if there were no men around. (Prison? A sorority lock-in? The magical island of only females?)

Hrmm... have you every read Herland by Charlotte Perkins Gilman?

If you haven't:

A "feminist Utopian novel," Herland tells of the discovery, by three male explorers, of a mythical society composed entirely of women and governed by a system completely different that of male-centered society, especially in the areas of agriculture, education, population control, and child-rearing. It was written in 1915.

Here's a concise review...

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Hehe...in the US they generally have everyone read To Kill a Mockingbird in high school. But it's been about 14 years now since I read it, so I should really do so again...

Although...

[trilliah.livejournal.com]

at the rate nature's going right now, it might be MORE beneficial for MORE people to be homo/bisexual. After all, we're very quickly running out of resources. Not that I think homo/bisexuality is nature's way of keeping us in check; but maybe when more people are able to come out and love whoever they want to love, our population won't be skyrocketing off the charts.

A'coise, what with artificial insemination, that might be a moot point...

Life and literature

[i-kat-i.livejournal.com]

Having attended an Afrikaans school, I only discovered the really good English reads when I went to university (after working for 6 years first)and did English as a major, so I am waaaaaaay behind in my reading lol Am working hard on catching up though!

I really loved Mocking Bird because I could really identify with Scout - had to deal with the same issues and awarenesses, so to speak. Growing up in the apartheid-era was confusing at best and my family still dispairs over me as I am not like any of them. We dont' share politics, church views or life views and I am not a domestic godess like my grandmothers lol

When I left home after school I had a wonderful time of "growing up" in the city of Pretoria, where most of my friends were gay men in the fashion industry. One was a drag queen of note! They really brightened up this country girl's life and I definitely don't shock easily anymore lol!

Speaking of literature, if you want a very interesting slant on Robinson Crusoe, read Foe by J.M. Coetzee (http://www.uni-ulm.de/~rturrell/antho1html/wade1.html) -- it is written from a woman's point of view and I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Re: Although...

[shebit.livejournal.com]

That's a very interesting thought. The human population's been growing to fast for decades (or even centuries), so perhaps, if homosexuality is genetic - which I think it probably is - it *is* in some way nature's attempt at putting things right.

But as you say, with modern fertility treatment allowing 55 year old women to become mothers - which I really disagree with - nature's got it's work cut out.

In case anyone misreads any of my comment, I am not in the slightest homophobic, and one of my best mates is gay.

Oh, and Lemonlye, I told you I was going to make a TTT Parody icon, so here it is. Hope you approve.

Re: Gay? Bi-Curious? Don't think so...

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Hehe...bisexual man; there you go.

"The guy factor of the relationship"...so with the Frodo/Sam pairing, you identify with (or picture yourself as) Sam more, perhaps? I'd say he's the more "butch" one of the pair, Frodo being somewhat more refined and androgynous... For me it's a toss-up: if I had to choose which one I'd actually rather be in the context of a slash story, it would be hard to say. On the one hand, I'd rather be with the more manly (but somewhat submissive) Samwise, so I'd prefer to be Frodo; but on the other hand, who'd pass up the chance to be with Frodo? He's so darn pretty...

A choice, alas, no one will ever offer me. ;)

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Interesting. No, I'd never heard of it. Oddly, I had been toying with the idea of a novel about some unreal land where males and females are kept on separate islands, but my version would likely not be called "feminist." ;) In fact, the point would be that it's unnatural to segregate everyone like that, and each side complements the other, etc. etc. I haven't really thought it through, and might never write it.

Gilman..."The Yellow Wallpaper," right? She did have some issues, didn't she?...

Re: Although...

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

*claps hands with glee*
I love the icon! That's beautiful. I feel warm and fuzzy now.

[dirae.livejournal.com]

Only in the sense that she suffered from post-partum depression... and was shocked by the “rest cures” prescribed to her.

In that sense "The Yellow Wallpaper" is an allegory..

[(Anonymous)]

I also know a woman who used to be a man... and is now lesbian. It's hard to understand why a man would become a lesbian. I mean, if he liked girls.... oh well, she seems happy now, and that is what counts. She does tell an interesting story from the time when she was "transitting". She had just had the castration process done when her boss (she was a truck driver) asked her if she wanted a new Peterbilt. She replied that she got the one she had cut off, why would she want to build a new one??

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

*grins at the "Peterbilt" thing*
Hee.

Interesting...didn't realize the "lesbian trapped in a man's body" was so commonplace.

Re: Although...

[shebit.livejournal.com]

Glad you like it *g*

Re: Gay? Bi-Curious? Don't think so...

[trilliah.livejournal.com]

Somehow I see myself (in a relationship) as being the more manly; difficult, if I ever date a guy. -_- So I suppose I identify with Sam; the protectiveness is very deeply ingrained. But when I'm reading/writing slash, I go either way. I fall into either personality very quickly (though when writing I tend to write from a Frodo pov, so I can get some Sam-worship in there; what can I say? Frodo gets worshipped all the time, so I enjoy seeing Sam get some of that back now and again).

Re: Although...

[specialmei.livejournal.com]

There's a book called 'The Wanting Seed' by the guy who wrote 'A Clockwork Orange' (Antony Burgess? I think...). In it, there's a huge overpopulation problem so the Ministry of Infertility has a big pro-homosexual campaign and it's illegal to have more than one child.

One of their slogans: "It's sapiens to be Homo".\
It's a kinda wierd book ^_^

Re: Gay? Bi-Curious? Don't think so...

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

I'll worship Sam anytime he needs it, too. Poor guy puts up with a lot...
;)

Re: Gay? Bi-Curious? Don't think so...

[(Anonymous)]

I once dreamed I was a gay guy. Left me with a veeery strange feeling (and a strong need to get on line and read slash ^^)

~Maria