Invent me some True Confessions

[mollyringle]

I just learned that True Confessions magazine, along with its affiliates True Love, True Story, and True Romance, still are alive and thriving, and are "desperate" for new stories. They pay 3 cents a word, and like stories to be roughly 4,000-10,000 words in length. For those of you who don't wish to do the math yourself, that's $120 to $300 per story.

Dude. I can totally invent some first-person confessionals. Help me brainstorm here.

From their website, these are samplings of the story titles on their magazine covers:

My Mommy Is a Nun
I Tried to Kill My Sister
My Homeless Mom Crashed My Wedding
My Pastor Raped Me
Naughty Nights with My Sexy Neighbor
I Seduced a Student [hey, that's the plot of my latest chick-lit! heh...]
I Attended My Own Funeral

You get the idea. Throw me some suggested titles! I'll totally try writing some of them. The more Jerry-Springer-ish, the better.

Comments

[darthbeckman.livejournal.com]

I Learned On My Wedding Night My Wife Used To Be a Man
My Boyfriend Is Cheating On Me With Grandma
My Mommy Wants To Be In a Threesome With Me
My Girlfriend's Entire Family Is Bisexual
She Was Asking For It

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

choking...down...laughter...

Oh, man, good ones. Especially the "grandma" one--hmm, going to have to think about that one.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

Given the way sims age, I have one who is hitting on his father-in-law's uncle.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

I married my brother! (and Mom never knew)

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

LOL! The parenthetical remark really makes the story.

[bluesound.livejournal.com]

Dead people make the best lovers.

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Heh! They said they encouraged "controversial" situations. It's tempting to test them with that one.

[kalquessa.livejournal.com]

So I Married a Rutabaga
The Time of the Heifer
The Hairdryer Incident

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

*snicker*
Definitely intriguing in their possibilities...almost Ed Wood films...:)

[terrylj.livejournal.com]

My Dad Slept With My Best Friend's Mom (and then my mom dated my best friend's dad)
My Sister Married My Stepbrother
My Cousin Claimed to Have Cancer, Collected Lots of $$, Turns Out She's Fine
My Other Cousin Was Arrested for Heading up a Prostitution Ring

Not catchy titles, I know, but the sad part is, they're all TRUE.

*needs "White Trash" icon*

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

dood! You've got some misbehavin' relatives. Very good stories, though. You ought to be writing these things up for cash. :)

[terrylj.livejournal.com]

OK, I'll confess, the "my sister married my stepbrother" one is actually my husband's story, but the rest of them are mine. My mom keeps telling me I should write a book, but a book needs...you know, an actual plot. Not just a bunch of people running around acting like a Jerry Springer show.

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

My Husband Left Me For My Brother
(hubby was a closet homosexual, had an affair with my brother)
I Was a Sex Slave in Sri Lanka
(could actually be educational about the sex trade in Southeast Asia)
I Married My Rapist
(twist is, when I was 14 and he was 19, he was convicted of statutory rape. Now we're in our thirties.)
I Donated a Kidney to a Stranger - and Now She's My Wife
(tell them about the national donor registry, how unusual it is to donate to a stranger, a year later got to meet the person who got the kidney, fell in love)
Who's the Daddy, My Boyfried or His Twin Brother? DNA Can't Tell!
(I'd actually be surprised if this hasn't happened somewhere already)

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Wow...I'm increasingly humbled by all the true stories you guys are producing along these lines. Sure you don't want to write them yourself? Apparently it's a paying market. :)

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

My Husband Left Me For My Brother

It's every post-Return of the Jedi Star Wars Slash Fic Ever!

[dirae.livejournal.com]

My wife went on a reality-makeover show and then left me for her younger internet lover.

or

I lost my wife to a 20 year old gamer-geek with whom she pretended to be married to while they played Everquest online.

or

A Bored Housewife's Tale of Deviant Sexual Intrigue: When I was supposed to be taking care of the home and hearth, I was really creating different personas on the internet for the sake of cheating on my husband.

Note: Kevon's best buddy from high school recently went through a divorce where all of these things came to pass regarding his (now ex)wife.

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Oy... yes, unfortunately I imagine some divorce firms are probably considering opening an "Internet Infidelity" division, with the increasing frequency of true stories like that.

I was actually considering making up some kind of sleazy cybersex-related tale, though, so it's good we're all on the same page here. :)

[jennae.livejournal.com]

What fun, I'd love to write drivel like that for boucoux bux.

Hmmmmm.....suggestions:

I Had Jerry Springer's Love Child
My Son's Homosexual Lover is Really a Woman

[gillianinoz.livejournal.com]

I came up with these before reading your comments - looks like we all do think alike!

How the Internet Ruined My Marriage!

Women's Prison! How I survived.

I Was A Sex Slave - On A Millionaire Yacht!

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Heheh...good ones. The last one sounds like a reality TV show. :D

[sopdetly.livejournal.com]

I Caused the LJ Blackout of '05

*runs*

[sopdetly.livejournal.com]

Or, how 'bout an actual one? (Not about me, but rather a co-worker...)

My Grandchildren Could One Day Be My Step-Children

*shudder*

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Erk! Yeah, the Jerry-Springer-ness of real life is kind of amazing, isn't it? To think, I'm here trying to make this stuff up, while other people are living it. :D

(*snicker* at the LJ Blackout one. Man, that was a lot of angsting out there.)

[terrylj.livejournal.com]

I Hunted Down and Strangled the Person Who Caused the Blackout

(which leads right into:

I Was Arrested for Threatening People Over the Internet)