Molly Ringle

 I just watched the new Lady Chatterley's Lover on Netflix. I wasn't expecting much, since adapting this book tastefully is always tricky, but I actually loved it. Yes, there's nudity and sex aplenty—that's an integral part of the story's territory—but to me it felt natural, lush, and highly romantic. In fact, I'd guess that the most valid accusation about it is that it's more romantic than the novel, which has a darker and more grim feel. (Find me a book set in coal-mining lands that does NOT have a grim feel.) But I'll take the more romantic interpretation any day, because that's how I swing.

I attribute the lovely and emotionally alive feel of this film to the fact that it had a female director, Laure de Clermont-Tonnerre, and the female gaze she brings to it. What do women want? Besides occasional escapes to the secluded forest cottage in the rain to tup the gruff but tenderhearted and book-reading gamekeeper, we want thriving green scenery, atmospheric country houses with cool vintage furnishings, beautiful frocks (to discard on the forest floor as we please), and intelligent conversation in which we are heard and respected for our choices. And that's what this director serves us lavishly in this adaptation.

Fab job to all involved. (Especial kudos to Emma Corrin and Jack O'Connell for the incredible bravery of all that nudity and intimacy.)

One screenshot censored just to keep myself out of internet jail.

Her gaze landed upon a young man across the room in a dark purple cloak, his beard clipped short, his curly black hair braided back and adorned with a wreath of ivy—much less showy than the bright spring flowers Persephone and the others wore in honor of the equinox. He stood apart from the others, squinting against the bright sun as he gazed out the window at the sea.

Soon he turned his head and noticed her. The brooding expression on his face evaporated as he regarded her, an appreciative smile taking its place. Truly, he was quite beautiful. They gazed at each other a moment longer than was proper. A pleasant flutter danced in Persephone’s belly. Was he an immortal? Gold did seem to glint beneath the ivy, as if the vines were twined around one of the gods’ crowns.

Then she recognized him. Hades.
- Persephone's Orchard

* * *

On Hades' purple cloak: in early versions I had him in black robes, as black sounds appropriate for the god of the dead. But online research suggests black cloth was hard to obtain in ancient (and in this case prehistoric) Greece. Dyes required a lot of effort and frequently expense, and black was difficult to make. White wool was the basic material for clothing. Nonetheless, Greeks liked their colors where they could get them, and in addition to adding pretty embroidery to the hems, they did seem to have some reliable dyes. Purple was one of the most expensive. Hence Hades, with his access to the gemstones falling out of the Underworld's walls, could afford it.

But real historians should jump in here to correct any misinformation. We can make adjustments in the next volume.

FYI, the online ebook superstore Fictionwise has now added THE GHOST DOWNSTAIRS to their catalog:

http://www.fictionwise.com/eBooks/eBook86349.htm?cache

And since it's a "new" book in their system, it's 15% off for the time being. Get it while it's hot!

I'm honored to share the New Book At Fictionwise category with J.R.R. Tolkien's THE LORD OF THE RINGS, which also is out this week for the first time as an official ebook. :)

If you have a Kindle reader, Amazon.com now carries my title in that format as well. And there's a free Kindle application for iPhones and the iPod Touch, so you can always try it that way if you're one of those folks newly wedded to their iPhones.

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In other news:

Young men of the world, let me discuss for a moment how stupid those long, baggy basketball shorts look on you. I was walking behind a young man wearing those the other day, and had some time to observe the effect. The material was so satiny, so loose and flowing, and so long, that it honestly looked like he was wearing a skirt. So, if the effect you want is that of walking around in a pretty, silky, rippling spring skirt, then carry on. If you want to wear something manly, try, I don't know, pants that fit.

A two-in-one! Baby photo, and shot of my short-but-shapely legs in my Dansko sandals.

The baby portion: Z likes to put on shoes, including other people's. Those are Steve's flip-flops, and he (Z) actually managed to walk around the kitchen in them for a little while.

The sandals: I generally have a terrible time finding sandals that don't chafe or blister my poor feet, but these have been an absolute winner. If you're in desperation to find a comfortable pair of sandals that give good arch support, are kind to your skin, and don't look like Birkenstocks--and if you're willing to pay for 'em--I highly recommend the Dansko Lolita. (Ebay often has them for cheaper, if you know your size already.) Many thanks to my sister peggycafecafe for steering me toward Danskos.

Now...what kind of freaks will be attracted here because of my subject title?

On today's episode of "Dude, That Is NOT Cool":

I have Zach on the changing table, first thing in the morning. Yawning, I pick up the washcloth sitting there to dry him off, and a nickel-sized dark brown spider skitters out of it and climbs up onto Zach's shirt. Zach does not notice, fortunately. Meanwhile, I am fully jolted awake. My considerable need to keep spiders off the baby outweighs my also considerable need to keep from touching spiders, ever; and I flick it off. It disappears under the table. I don't give chase, figuring it might at least kill some ants under there. But, dude. Not cool.

In other baby news, we got him a Jumperoo, which seems to entertain him. But he only actually jumps in it for about a quarter of the time; the rest of the time, he stands there and watches me forlornly, until I come over and take notice of him, at which point he breaks into the joyous smile shown in the photo. Silly kid. But when he does get into bouncing mode, he's pretty stoked.

As to my previous observation about '80s fashions returning, witness basketball players wearing leg-warmers. OK, so they're tights, and they're supposedly not a fashion statement but a way to keep the muscles warm. Still, '80s leg-warmers also started as a way for dancers to keep their muscles warm, before they spun off into fluffy pink places. So.

Edited to add one more bit of linkage: If you, like me, had no earthly idea what this "Snakes on a Plane" stuff was all about, this article explains it nicely. Awesome. I get it now. I'm grinning. (Turns out it *isn't* about that early scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark where the pet snake of the pilot slithers onto Indy in the tiny plane. Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?)

Ladies, you know what color bra you should wear under a white shirt, if you don't want the bra to show through. Don't you?

Not white. Not black. Definitely not leopard-spotted.

Red. I heard this in college, and didn't believe it till I saw it with my own eyes. A white bra shows right through, white being too bright. Black shows as well, being too dark. But red basically vanishes. Has to do with wavelengths: red has the longest wavelength of all visible colors, and therefore gets muted the easiest.

Or something like that. I tried to do a web search on the topic, but when you use strings like "red bra white shirt", you get these "Hi, my name is Heather and I'm 19 and I live in your area and would love to meet you" kind of sites, so at the moment I don't have a website to back this up. Just try it yourselves and you'll see.

I tell you this because I've seen a lot of white bras with white shirts out there. But of course, you folks probably know this already; and, being the snarky lot you are, you're rolling your eyes right now and saying, "Duh, we KNOW. God, you're so condescending!" Hey, just trying to help.

[Edit: I imagine a bra color very close to your skin tone would work fine too. I just don't happen to have such a bra, so I can't say for sure. And red is, like, sexy.]

OK, I filled out something like this last year, but I'm just bored enough to do it again. Come on, everybody, join me!

VANITY SURVEY

1. Feature you like best about yourself: Hands

2. Feature you would permanently change about yourself: I would like a flawless complexion, please.

3. If contact lenses weren't a bitch, your eyes would be: Bright green

4. Beauty item you can't live without: Eyelash curler

5. Beauty item you keep around but hardly ever use: Curlers (rollers). (You can't hope to style my hair; you can only hope to contain it.)

6. Beauty item you will never ever use again: Waxing strips on the legs. Surely packing tape could do a better job for the same amount of pain.

7. Celebrity people say you resemble: Lately two separate people have said Audrey Hepburn. I wish this were true.

8. Celebrity you wish you most resembled: Maybe more like Audrey Hepburn?

9. Tip about hair care you would like to pass along to the masses: Do not attempt home perms. In fact, just steer clear of perms generally.

10. Tip about makeup you would like to pass along to the masses: Do not be like me and wait till you're 25 before figuring out how to pluck your eyebrows.

11. Tip about fashion you would like to pass along to the masses: There have been a lot of problems with trousers lately. Women are wearing them too low (I do not want to see your butt cleavage), and men are wearing them too baggy (this applies most prominently to skater-boi types, but men's jeans in general are gettin' a bit floppy).

12. Worst fashion phase you have ever gone through: About '88-'92: the Poison/Warrant/Bon Jovi years. Enough said.

13. What feature of your appearance people compliment you on most: Hair, I guess

14. What feature of your appearance you think they ought to compliment you on: My naturally black eyelashes. Or the stunning shadows under my eyes.

15. Have your parents ever stepped in and stopped you from looking unstylish, and if so, what was the offense?: Yes: Mom rightly enough warned me, my freshman year of high school, that it would be a bad idea to wear a big, ruffly, second-hand lavender prom dress from the '70s to a homecoming dance in about 1990. Thank you, Mom.

16. Is it better to be overdressed or underdressed? (i.e., too formal or too casual): I suppose overdressed.

17. Feature of the opposite sex that catches your eye first: Hair!

18. Celebrity whose fashion sense you love: Got to admit, Halle Berry has worn some awesome dresses at awards ceremonies lately.

19. Celebrity whose fashion sense makes you point and laugh: Oh, definitely Orlando Bloom. Oh, man. I'm laughing just thinking about it. The shirts.

20. This fake-tanning thing: good idea, or no? I admit to owning a self-tanning spray, but I seldom use it. I'd rather be my natural, healthy, pale self and have people think it looks fine. Real tans are of course never healthy. But I do brush some bronzer on the cheekbones sometimes too...

Lift, fill out, pass around...

1. Feature you like best about yourself: Torso
2. Feature you would permanently change about yourself: I would opt for a flawless complexion
3. If hair dye worked exactly like you wanted, your hair would be: A brown slightly lighter than chocolate, with a glint of red in the sun
4. If contact lenses weren't a bitch, your eyes would be: Lime green
5. Beauty item you can't live without: Eyelash curler
6. Beauty item you keep around but hardly ever use: Nair
7. Beauty item you will never ever use again: Rusk str8 -- I'm sure it works, but it smells horrible, like the cheapest, strongest perfume imaginable. (Thus I also veto any other product that smells similar.)
8. Celebrity you most resemble: Lea Thompson ("Caroline in the City"...)
9. Celebrity you wish you most resembled: Liz Hurley
10. Celebrity who needs to be publicly whipped for their fashion sense: Cher. Or Gwyneth Paltrow.
11. Tip about hair care you would like to pass along to the masses: Unfortunately, the expensive styling products and creams really do make a difference.
12. Tip about makeup you would like to pass along to the masses: Don't be like me and wait till you're 25 before figuring out how to pluck your eyebrows.
13. Tip about fashion you would like to pass along to the masses: Trousers that are several sizes too large, or hang from you as if they were, flatter nobody.
14. Worst fashion phase the world has ever gone through: This isn't the *worst*, but I really dislike that era in the Victorian years where women wore those dumb clusters of curls on top of their ears, and no makeup, and waistlines so high the skirts looked like maternity wear.
15. Worst fashion phase you personally have ever gone through: About 1988-1992: the Poison/Warrant/Bon Jovi years. Enough said.
16. Dream fabric you would always wear if the weather permitted: Cotton, silk, or cashmere.
17. Fabric you hate more than any others: Synthetics that crackle like a lightning storm when you take them off.
18. What feature of your appearance people compliment you on most: Hair
19. What feature of your appearance you think they ought to compliment you on: Eyes
20. At what point should parents step in and stop their child from looking unstylish?: Before formal events at least. I wouldn't recommend intervention on a daily basis; only if you're going somewhere special.
21. Have your parents ever done this to you, and if so, what was the offense?: Yes--Mom rightly enough warned me, my freshman year of high school, that to wear a ruffly, too-big, lavender prom dress from the 1970s to a homecoming dance in about 1990 would not be a good idea.
22. Is it better to be overdressed or underdressed? (i.e., too formal or too casual): Depends on my mood, but probably overdressed more often.
23. Style feature of the opposite sex that draws your eye first: Hair
24. Which is worse: overpowering perfume or B.O.?: Perfume. At least B.O. doesn't cause an allergy attack.
25. Insert your own question here...