Ways to get your thesis rejected
May. 19th, 2003 08:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mollyringleMy committee has agreed to sign off on my thesis. Whew. I have more hoops to jump and homework to do before officially graduating, of course, but it's nice to have gotten the green light. But after a little thought, I realized there were still lots of things I could do that would snarl up the thesis submittal process. Here are a few.
Top 10 Ways I Could Still Screw Up My Thesis
1. Print the whole thing on flamingo-pink card stock. Claim to have misunderstood directions regarding white 25%-cotton bond.
2. Change font every five pages, being sure to include Wingdings and fancy cursive designs that have no way to express numbers or punctuation. Claim to have misunderstood directions regarding consistent and readable typeface.
3. When submitting final copy, ask Graduate Studies: "Oh, one last thing: do I need to put my ghostwriter's name on this?"
4. Use footnotes as space for waxing melancholy about the ephemeral quality of youth. And for writing down coffee cake recipes.
5. Replace all figures with Polaroids of neighbor's cat. Replace all tables and charts with pieces of programming grid clipped from TV Guide.
6. Choose a random page in the middle of the thesis. Take a pen with blood-red ink and scrawl across the text, "It's a trap!! Academia is a trap!! Get out while you still can!!"
7. Put on bright red lipstick and kiss every page.
8. Rather than using traditional Arabic numerals for page numbers, use a numbering system of your own devising, consisting of dots and zodiac-inspired symbols and using base 8. Claim to have misunderstood directions regarding traditional page numbers.
9. Change title to "The Prisoner of Ass-Kaban: A Linguistic Analysis of Metaphor in Descriptions of Underage Sex in Harry Potter Fanfiction," even though this is not topic of thesis.
10. Add to acknowledgements: "...and special thanks to Professor Jameson for all the sex."
Top 10 Ways I Could Still Screw Up My Thesis
1. Print the whole thing on flamingo-pink card stock. Claim to have misunderstood directions regarding white 25%-cotton bond.
2. Change font every five pages, being sure to include Wingdings and fancy cursive designs that have no way to express numbers or punctuation. Claim to have misunderstood directions regarding consistent and readable typeface.
3. When submitting final copy, ask Graduate Studies: "Oh, one last thing: do I need to put my ghostwriter's name on this?"
4. Use footnotes as space for waxing melancholy about the ephemeral quality of youth. And for writing down coffee cake recipes.
5. Replace all figures with Polaroids of neighbor's cat. Replace all tables and charts with pieces of programming grid clipped from TV Guide.
6. Choose a random page in the middle of the thesis. Take a pen with blood-red ink and scrawl across the text, "It's a trap!! Academia is a trap!! Get out while you still can!!"
7. Put on bright red lipstick and kiss every page.
8. Rather than using traditional Arabic numerals for page numbers, use a numbering system of your own devising, consisting of dots and zodiac-inspired symbols and using base 8. Claim to have misunderstood directions regarding traditional page numbers.
9. Change title to "The Prisoner of Ass-Kaban: A Linguistic Analysis of Metaphor in Descriptions of Underage Sex in Harry Potter Fanfiction," even though this is not topic of thesis.
10. Add to acknowledgements: "...and special thanks to Professor Jameson for all the sex."
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no subject
Date: 2003-05-19 09:18 pm (UTC)There is also:
11. Under the front cover slip a $20 bill and a Post-it note that reads Hope this helps with the "evaluation".
12. Refer to the work of each of the members of your thesis committee as "rudimentary early studies".
no subject
Date: 2003-05-19 10:02 pm (UTC)oh, LOL!!!!!!!! XD
ROFL!!!
Date: 2003-05-20 02:56 am (UTC)Good luck with the thesis!
no subject
Date: 2003-05-20 05:32 am (UTC)Congratulations!
no subject
Date: 2003-05-20 05:52 am (UTC)Yes, these are ways that you *could* screw up your thesis, but as amusing as they are I somehow doubt you'll do any of them. You worked too hard to get this far.
But it IS funny! :D
Good thing I hadn't had my Dr. Pepper
Date: 2003-05-20 07:46 am (UTC)Mind if I share this with my hubby?
no subject
Date: 2003-05-20 08:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-20 09:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-20 09:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-20 09:38 am (UTC)Re: ROFL!!!
Date: 2003-05-20 09:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-20 09:41 am (UTC)I keep hoping someone will write a HP fanfic with that in the title. What am I talking about...I'm sure someone has...
no subject
Date: 2003-05-20 09:42 am (UTC)Re: Good thing I hadn't had my Dr. Pepper
Date: 2003-05-20 09:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-20 09:48 am (UTC)You could also make a one-sentence bibliography with the name of a website, www.freethesispapers.com or something like that. I did that as a joke for an essay I had to write last year. ;)
Good luck finishing!!
no subject
Date: 2003-05-20 09:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-20 09:49 am (UTC)actually, you never know...
Date: 2003-05-20 10:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-20 05:01 pm (UTC)Congrats on your thesis.
BTW, one of my darling students wrote a LOTR homoerotic parody comic strip that I'll need to share with you at some point.
Yay!
Date: 2003-05-21 01:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-21 05:58 pm (UTC)Re: actually, you never know...
Date: 2003-05-21 06:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-21 06:09 pm (UTC)Oooh...same ones who were reading the slash fiction? *has moment of pride for youth of America*
Re: Yay!
Date: 2003-05-21 06:12 pm (UTC)Needless to say, I do not have a "Professor Jameson." Didn't think it was a good idea to use an actual prof's name, even as a joke, in such a context. Heh.
no subject
Date: 2003-05-21 06:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-21 08:29 pm (UTC)"subliminal"...hehe...hardly. Slash is many things, but subtle is not one of them.
no subject
Date: 2003-05-22 08:00 pm (UTC)Do you mind if I add you as a friend?
no subject
Date: 2003-05-22 09:20 pm (UTC)Do you know yet what your project will be about? (Two years beforehand, I don't expect specifics, but the general area of discipline...)
no subject
Date: 2003-05-23 06:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-24 10:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-16 02:15 am (UTC)1)You are too damn effortlessly funny. Stop, you make us look bad.
2)I think I shall make it a goal to try each and every one of these things to see what happens.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-16 04:49 pm (UTC)Good luck getting away with those. You will make yourself famous in the halls of academia and I will have a special respect for you.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-27 09:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-28 03:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 08:50 pm (UTC)