Bulwer-Lytton inspiration strikes again
Mar. 27th, 2010 08:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mollyringleI've just sent a reprehensible sentence to the long-suffering keepers of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. I'll inflict it on you here as well:
---
For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss--a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil.
---
Romantic, yeah?
I originally thought of the gerbil simile while nursing the baby. Though you could write a humorous sentence comparing breastfeeding to pet-rodent water-bottle-feeding, the comparison is slightly too apt to cross the line into Bulwer-Lytton territory. After all, they're both descriptions of drinking something, with a small, hungry mammal as agent. But applying the simile to romance, where everything is supposed to be sensual and tantalizing, catapulted it into badness. And if a sentence of mine wins a place in the final round of that fiction contest, it will be my proudest moment in publishing yet.
I admit it would be kind of fun to write an entire romance novel (or at least novella) in that fashion, actually. Wodehouse would approve.
---
For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss--a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil.
---
Romantic, yeah?
I originally thought of the gerbil simile while nursing the baby. Though you could write a humorous sentence comparing breastfeeding to pet-rodent water-bottle-feeding, the comparison is slightly too apt to cross the line into Bulwer-Lytton territory. After all, they're both descriptions of drinking something, with a small, hungry mammal as agent. But applying the simile to romance, where everything is supposed to be sensual and tantalizing, catapulted it into badness. And if a sentence of mine wins a place in the final round of that fiction contest, it will be my proudest moment in publishing yet.
I admit it would be kind of fun to write an entire romance novel (or at least novella) in that fashion, actually. Wodehouse would approve.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-03-27 03:56 pm (UTC)My kind of Romance!
Date: 2010-03-27 08:50 pm (UTC)Jeni ;)
no subject
Date: 2010-03-27 10:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-28 01:08 am (UTC)That's what I like about you: you've got your priorities straight!
no subject
Date: 2010-03-28 11:53 pm (UTC)Re: My kind of Romance!
Date: 2010-03-28 11:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-28 11:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-28 11:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-28 11:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-30 12:06 am (UTC)In the spirit of the thing, my reprimand will be 500 words long and have eighty four commas.
And thank you for making me laugh like a loon. I needed that.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-01 05:06 pm (UTC)Congratulations!
Date: 2010-06-29 06:03 pm (UTC)Re: Congratulations!
Date: 2010-06-30 10:52 pm (UTC)