Classics in 140 characters

[mollyringle]

The third trimester, to my annoyance, is feeling a touch like the first trimester lately--fatigue and touches of nausea and too much smell in the world--though thankfully less on the tired/nauseated and more on the heavy/sore. Standing too long makes my feet hurt, so I sit. Sitting too long makes my back and rear hurt, so I stand. Eventually I'm exhausted, so I lie down. Lying down on my side squishes that arm to death, so I turn over. Then the other arm gets squished to death, so I try to lie against a pillow at an angle sort of on my back and sort of on my side--which makes my joints or stomach or *something* hurt. When I get tired of having been in bed all night without getting much sleep, and besides am getting hungry, I get up. Repeat cycle.

Also, the baby kicks like crazy when I lie down, at least for a while. Those little movements are so gentle when you first feel them around 4-5 months; they're like the motions of a goldfish flitting around in a baggie of water. By 7-8 months they're sometimes more akin to those of a cat trapped in a pillowcase (which you are forced to hug against yourself for some reason).

I console myself with knowing I only have 4-7 weeks to go and then I'm DONE.

I also take comfort, as always, in amusing myself in odd ways. For instance...

I'm not a Twitter user--how can one such as I, who so loves to ramble, confine herself to 140 characters?--but I heard this idea of condensing classic novels into 140-character posts/Twitters, and had to try it.

So here's a few...


Les Miserables:
Jailed. Escaped. Stalked by creepy cop. Now foster daughter is dating revolutionary. Everyone I know is going to die. God, I'm tired.

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall:
Hot widow with kid moved in nearby. Serious man issues. What's up with that? OMG, she let me read her diary! Think I'm in there.

Middlemarch:
Tried to be do-gooder. Married old guy, then he died. Got screwed over by will (because I want Will). Happy ending plz Eliot? Thxbye.

Tess of the d'Urbervilles:
If I get called a hussy one more time I'm going to kill someone just to prove I'm the victim here.

Vanity Fair:
I'm only friending you for your money, lol. No, seriously.

A Room with a View:
Charlotte's wrong, it means nothing nothing nothing that George kissed me in the violets, and...OK fine, it does mean something.

Jane Eyre:
My employer is totally hitting on me. Yummy. Wait a sec, WHO'S living in the attic??

Lolita:
The last few weeks have been amazing. You'll never believe it--I've been...you know what, I'd better not say.

Go ahead, add your own!

Comments

[mikailborg.livejournal.com]

1984:
This account has been deleted. Furthermore, there was never any account under this name. Please remain at your current location, comrade.

[mikailborg.livejournal.com]

From the Earth To The Moon:
@nicholl Oh, yeah? Well, *I* can build a cannon that'll hit the moon from here. Heck, I know a Frenchman who'd happily ride in the shell!

Dracula:
This Hungarian guy keeps texting my legal secretaries for information about moving here to London. I suspect he's some kind of sex fiend.

[kalquessa.livejournal.com]

Baby kicks are WEIRD. Weird, weird, weird. Good, too, and I'm glad I have a handy way to tell he's still alive in there, but. WEIRD.

[celticmommy.livejournal.com]

Hon, I feel your pain. Seriously. I got big as houses with all three of my pregnancies, and was on bed rest for two of them. Yipes.

See, the hard-as-hades baby kicks are when you snuggle up to significant other, with your belly snuggled up real close to his back, and let the baby wake him up too! ;) It is really funny if you happen to set a plate on the incredibly handy baby-belly, and the baby kicks it off. And I've had cats get kicked off my lap by baby in belly, as well.

I'm sure your eager for the time when perfect strangers won't feel the need to rub on you like you're the sacred Buddha, too. *hugs you*

I'm loving the classics in 140 characters thing. I'm going to have to give it some thought. Mr borg up there did the one I'm reading right now (nice job btw!) and you already did Les mis ... maybe I'll do GWTW if it counts? or Fahrenheit 451? or 1984 mebbe ... hrm.

[lilagrubb.livejournal.com]

I'm reading Les Miserables, I recently saw the musical. I like your summary. Hugo could have done with being less wordy at times. I have to admit I skimmed over Waterloo until I got to the body looting bit. I don't know why he dwells on Waterloo so much, we won, they lost.

[rachel2205.livejournal.com]

The Tess summary is my favourite - very on the nose!

[ekatarina.livejournal.com]

Also love the Tess one!

Ekatarina

[neadods.livejournal.com]

I love the Jane Eyre one!

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Hee! Perfect!

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Hah, I can totally see Dracula working the Internet if he were alive today. "Cheap but elegant rooms available for vacation rental in Romanian castle! Arrive after dark please." (Or even the Nigerian scam style: "Dear friends and children of the night: I was once a prince of Transylvania, but war and oppression robbed me of my fortunes, and I beg your assistance...")

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Doesn't it make you wonder about those women who *didn't know* they were pregnant till going into labor? What did they think that was? Granted, they must have been very large with some crazy digestive/other health issues already, but still...

[thomas-a-kempis.livejournal.com]

LemonLye rocks.

[kalquessa.livejournal.com]

Those stories always baffle me. I remember when my sister was seven months pregnant you could watch the baby move around under her shirt from the other end of the couch. I just...how does that not feel like something you should have checked out?

[teenybuffalo.livejournal.com]

This wins! I like them all, but the Dracula entry takes the cake.

Hang in there, I wish you the best.

[teenybuffalo.livejournal.com]

Drat, I should have used this icon.

[elycia.livejournal.com]

By 7-8 months they're sometimes more akin to those of a cat trapped in a pillowcase

Okay, I do feel for you, but this is just hysterically funny. :-) Do you know yet if your future placekicker is male or female, or are you waiting for the surprise?

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Something that looks and feels like a parasite the size of a squirrel seems like cause for concern, but maybe that's just me...

Btw, unrelated, but I thought of you when I saw this:



Hee!

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Aw, Giles ice cream quote in icon! Sweet.

I've totally had the book-disrupting kicks. But strangers tend not to touch me for some reason, so that's something. And oy, bed rest would probably drive me insane, so I'll try to keep in mind that it could be much worse. :)

GWTW would have lots of potential for this game. Just imagine Scarlett's Twitter feed...hah...

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

I adore Les Mis, but I had to skim Hugo's long, long historical chapters in the unabridged version. We need the characters back, Monsieur Hugo!

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Hee. Hardy's a very compelling writer, but his characters keep making the worst decisions.

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Thanks! When I read 'Tess' I actually didn't know how it ended, and was furious. Heh.

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

One of my favorite books...who knew it could sound so silly? :)

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

These days I more waddle, but still, thank you. :)

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

That's good; I aimed to find humor in it, at least. :)

Ultrasound technician a while back indicated another boy. Cool, we already have all the clothes! Heh.

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Hee--perfect one, indeed.

Considering Dracula is written as a series of letters and diary entries and such, it would be funny to redo it as blogs and emails...

[kalquessa.livejournal.com]

Bwaaaaah!

[modmerseygirl.livejournal.com]

Hope you feel better! *hugs* When are you due, again? It won't be long! :-)

Loved your Twitter-style summaries of those books. Very cute. :-)

[neadods.livejournal.com]

Many of my favorite books are a bit silly at heart. By the time you get even the greatest classic down, it's going to be a bit less than classic.

Hmmm... Anyone done Dickens yet? "Hate orphanage, hate undertaker, Fagin and Nancy seem nice."

[naill-renfro.livejournal.com]

Heehee -- but how did you not do LOTR?

My weird uncle gave me this creepy ring that everyone says is going to ruin my life. BFF Sam says chuck it in the nearest volcano. What to do?

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Hehe--well, of course I thought of LOTR, but the multiple possibilities sort of paralyzed me. If I have more time someday, perhaps I'll give each major character their own Twitter feed. 140 characters apiece for a couple of dozen characters...that might sum things up ultimately!

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Have felt better this weekend, so it's good to know I can have "on" days as well as off days. Due date is June 29, but I'm hoping for a week or two sooner. ;)

[stitchinthyme.livejournal.com]

Yeah, this was what I had to do, too. I mean, did he really need to spend an entire chapter describing the Battle of Waterloo just to introduce a single paragraph at the end (Thenardier inadvertently saving Marius's father's life) that was relevant to the story? And did we really need a dissertation on street urchins just to introduce Gavroche?

As for the original post...I saw something along similar lines recently that made me laugh: PostSecrets Through History (http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775015).

[naill-renfro.livejournal.com]

Collaboration: Get a dozen or so of us to each be one or two characters, and take the whole thing in order. For the move version, that would start off with Galadriel ripping off Treebeard:

Y no Elvish fonts? Stuff seems so, like, different these days. So about those rings? Like, mine is one of the three cool ones. The others totally suck, esp. the One Ring.

Oh, and I forgot to have Frodo add that the Ring has become... precious... to him:

My weird uncle gave me this creepy ring that everyone says is going to ruin my life. BFF Sam says chuck it in the nearest volcano, but I kind of like it. A lot. What to do?

Oh, how about Finnegan's Wake?

Bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk wait do I have any characters left?

[celticmommy.livejournal.com]

Okay here's Gone With The Wind ...

I'm so pretty omg. Love boy next door. He married his cousin. Ew. She loves me. Weird. Oooh Rhett's hawt!

That's what I'm coming up with at the moment anyways. It's a long arse book to condense into 140 characters. LOL

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Heheh. Much more concise than Dickens usually makes it!

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

I know...Hugo must have been given serious permission to ramble by some editor.

Hee! I love it when people re-caption stuff. Too funny.

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

LOTR Twitter role play? Hee. Sounds fun. Though I suspect we'd all end up inadvertently rewriting the Very Secret Diaries before long.

Love the Joyce! I considered Proust too, something similar about the total inability to remain within the character limit...I mean, how would he even cope?

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Hee! That'll do pretty well. :D Though if there were room, something like "Rhett's hawt and OMG I hate him" would fit her. Along with, "Ugh, it's impossible to keep my hair clean when Atlanta's on fire. Ew."

[celticmommy.livejournal.com]

It was so hard! I kinda jotted stuff down as it came to me, and then went back and counted each individual character. Agggh. Probably doesn't help that it's been a while since I've read it. I'm almost done reading Dracula (again) ... uggh stupid diary entries. Slowin me down.

[naill-renfro.livejournal.com]

Doesn't work out to well for old Proustie, I'm afraid:

A l'âge où les Noms, nous offrant l'image de l'inconnaissable que nous avons versé en eux, dans le même moment où ils désignent aussi pour n

But you say "...I suspect we'd all end up inadvertently rewriting the Very Secret Diaries before long" like that's a bad thing!

[gavinworld.livejournal.com]

The Jane Eyre one cracked me up.

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Hee. Thanks!