Les Misérables, unabridged, condensed.

A parody of one of my favorite books in the world. Here! Read the unabridged in fifteen minutes!

Les Misérables, the unabridged condensed. If that makes sense.
Originally by Victor Hugo; this abridgement by Molly Ringle.

VICTOR HUGO: *sixty pages on how the Bishop of Digne is a really good guy* Then the real story begins...

TOWN OF DIGNE, 1815

JEAN VALJEAN: I'm a convict! No one'll take me in for the night! Grawr!
BISHOP: Sleep here, sir. In this room with lots of pretty silver that we don't lock up.
POLICE: (next day) Monsigneur, we caught this guy with your silver candlesticks.
JEAN VALJEAN: Which I was, uh, borrowing.
BISHOP: Yes, keep them! And the forks and the spoons and the shirt off my back. There. I have now purchased your soul and stuffed my near-supernatural goodness into it. You have to carry said goodness around for the rest of your life and be forced to act in accordance with it. Haha. Deal with that.

PARIS, 1817

THOLOMYES: Even though Hugo's description of me is repulsive, don't you love being my mistress, and hanging out with my band of sleazy friends?
FANTINE: Oh yes, darling!
THOLOMYES: Glad you had fun. So, bye. (leaves town permanently with no forwarding address)
FANTINE: That's okay, I'll just...manage...with our illegitimate child...and no job...alone.( Read more... )